Thinking about things. Oh hey, it’s Thursday?

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It’s been a while. There is a lot going on today. My dad has a case of the old, and is in a hospital right now being checked for a stroke or e. Coli. I’m cleaning like a crazy woman. Steve got out of work early today. I hope he gets out early tomorrow too. I am so glad we both have cars now. Yesterday was six months from our first date. I so hope we have so many more months ahead of us, he is amazing and so sweet and has the cutest smile and the craziest hugest family I have ever seen. His family is like, triple the size of mine. So many many people!

I need to stop thinking. So here are some pics from the phone. I heart my droid, it’s such a useful phone. Since when can you blog from a phone??? Ummm… sidetracked much? Here ya go.

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Oh Hi.

I found this on the old marriage confessions blog… and it looks good. So I’m putting it here.

I am: about to turn twenty-three, dating a sweetheart, turning into a crazy cat lady.

I think: I need more dresses

I know: I will always love the smell of the ocean.

I have: an obsession with forever 21.

I wish: I had a car.

I hate: pessimism.

I miss: my friends. And the beach.

I fear: failure, large crowds, the dark, and spiders.

I hear: what I want to hear.

I smell: the wallflowers beach cotton thing I bought last month .

I crave: coffee and back rubs.

I search: for what I’m really supposed to do with my life. 

I wonder: if the rapture will really happen.

I regret: too many things, but I am thankful for the people those choices have brought into my life.

I love: Dave Brubeck on a Sunday morning and wearing pretty aprons when I’m in the kitchen.

I ache: to remember all the violent sweet perfect words that you said.

I am not: very good at spelling, budgeting or time management.

I believe: that there is hope for when we need it, and grace for when we make mistakes, in all of us, we just need to remind ourselves that we cannot do it on our own and allow God to lend a hand in our lives. 

I dance: (I actually cannot remember the last time I danced.)

I sing: in the car.

I cry: when I feel like giving up.

I fight: haha thats funny.

I lose: most of my fights.

I win: nothing. Ever.

I never: expected anything.

I always: forget to pay my cell phone bill.

I confuse: directions if I’m not driving. 

I listen: to the words you aren’t saying.

I am scared: of never getting to do what I want.

I need: more church-appropriate clothing. 

I am happy about: Steve being on spring break this week.

I can usually be found: at home.

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October 2010

October always brings a change in my life, whether it’s small or large. October 2007? Decided to stay in Michigan. October 2008? Got a cell phone I could pay on my own, my MI state ID, started dating an awesome guy, met my favorite redneck, just a bunch of things. October 2009? Unexpectedly moved back to NY. It’s always something, big or small, life changing or something that you don’t realize will change your life.

This year? After a whole year and a day of living at my mothers, I finally got a job. A cashier at a pet supply store. It’s going slow,but it’s finally going. The best thing about this, and also the worst, is that I need a car to get to and from this job. I’ve been using my sisters car as needed, but this just isn’t going to work, with her in school and working on one extreme side of the county, and me working on the other. I offered to pay dad back, and it looks like I’m getting a car (Sometime before 2011, I hope. He moves so slow, and I really need this to move fast!). I’m really glad the waiting is finally over, and it feels like I’m finally starting to be myself again. One thing I have to do, though, is tan. I’m going to set up a monthly plan at beach bum, I think. They have a student package for $30 a month, unlimited, and 2 weeks free as a new user. That’s six weeks of glorious unlimited me-time, for only $30.

I’ve also sort-of decided on schooling. In January, I’m starting at BOCES for a baking program. I’m still not sure how I’m going to pay for it, but I hope I don’t chicken out at the last minute (and that I have a car by then to get to it!). And yes, I know I probably will chicken out because after I finish the program, there is no guarantee of a job, just skills I can use. Oh boy. Baby steps, right? It’s a start, that’s all I care about right now.

On everything else going on in my life… sort-of seeing a really nice guy. The only issue is he’s 12 yrs older than me, and I’m terrified of him possibly meeting my parents, if we ever get to that stage. I’m sure my mother will be fine with almost anything, as long as I’m happy. My dad? Might just flip. Too bad. If I’m happy, so should he be.

This weekend starts the Halloween festivities in my circle of friends – all ending on Halloween with my friend Danielle’s wedding! I’m going as Minnie Mouse this year. All I need to do is make the skirt… by saturday. It’s safe to say I haven’t started yet. I bought the fabric, but am just braindead on how to start! There is a party at Molly Blooms on saturday, then thursday there is kareoke as usual at Comiskey Park, but they have a halloween themed shindig going on. Friday my friedns band is playing at comiskey again, When The Zombies Come. Awesome guys, great music. Not sure if I’m going, but we’ll see. Either way, pictures coming soon!

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Cupcakes

I’ve been making a lot of cupcakes lately. Mint chocolate chip ones, plain chocolate with red frosting & fondant Misfits skulls… pb&c brownies.

Ok, so I don’t have any pictures of the pb&c brownies. But Angela and Scielso can stand as witness to the awesomeness.

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Today, We Breathe

It’s been a while. I feel the need to catch up, in a timeline even.

07/02 – Beach with the Michael sisters and my sister. Fun was had, Nadine got pinched by her crabby boyfriend that kept finding her, tanning was done and then we decided to attack tangers. Nothing good can come from four girls shopping right after the beach. Nadine was asked for her facebook instead of her number… cute, but funny. Came home and… No clue what happened after that. Oh, yeah. Went to bed at a decent hour for once, and then got a call at 2am from an obnoxious drunk Jake. No, I did not want to hang out. No, I was busy the next day. No… I did not care who he dated (very weird conversation at this point). After that… no sleep. At all. All. Night. LONG.

07/03 – Went to New Jersey with the family, and hung out all day with my favorite little cousins… I got kissed ( I love little CJ kisses! He’s so sweet!), hugged, kissed some more, splashed, blew bubbles, played store, tried vanilla tequila and chocolate wine (yummy! But I was terrified that one of the kids would want some “chocolate milk”, that’s exactly what it looked like!) and tanned. Great day, aside from getting stuck in traffic and dad driving both really slowly and ME insane.

4th of July – I think I tanned. Started talking to an awesome guy. No partying was accomplished, at all. Was completely freaked out by the firecrackers that I COULD NOT see.

07/06 – Hung out with the elusive Jake.

07/09 – Beach with Jeanette :) Sunburn of my LIFE happened. We then completely tore apart Target when we only went in for mousse and suntan oil. LOL. Funny how girls do that.

07/13 – Went to Mollys for a little bit. Hung out with Paul, who I am definitely confused about. Cute face. The man actually uses his brain. But these legos aren’t clicking together right. Tried to watch Tropic Thunder… I was beyond confused.

07/15 – Visited moms friend, and finally met her new baby, little Vinny and hung out with Gabby again! I can’t believe she is walking, she’s sooo little! While we were there, they were informed of an issue with the LAX team she and her husband coach… they were down a goalie for the summer. Two hours later, I’m covered in goalie gear with a lacrosse stick doing my best to not flinch when the ball comes at me – I flinched once, got a few bruises, and made a few saves. Not too shabby for my first time. :) I’m in for the rest of the summer season.

07/17 - Disaster of a day. Went to Candy’s for a little bit, stood around feeling stupid, then went home. The only good thing that came from this day was shopping, I finally got a new dress, jeans, and a pair of heels. I also bought a new mouth guard, the one Coach gave me doesn’t quite fit right since I don’t have braces.

07/18 – Sunday brought around a new week, a new vibe. :) All ages matinée at Molly’s lacked a crowd, but the people that made it out were awesome, and it’s always a fun time if Mike and Pete are behind the bar. Strong Arm Law, Kith & Kin, Ink & Lead, and The Broosevelts were there, I was the un/official TJ… Haha. There was this guy there, kept on looking at me and smirking. Needless to say, we start talking, he asks me how it feels to be the only girl there, I say it feels like being the only girl there (so dumb!). I was outside texting for a ride about an hour later, and he starts talking to me again. Turns out he lives really close by, so he offers to drives me home when my ride bails. Funny thing at this point, he knew my name because of my nameplate necklace, but I had to ask him what his name was across the bar in front of Mike! Lol. We exchange numbers, saying we should hang out during the week sometime… He actually finds me on Facebook, which is pretty impossible since I’m super-private, and his plans for the night get cancelled so he asks if I want to hang out. Of course I do. We end up going to a bar in St. James and playing pool with some friends of his all night. It really was a fun time.

07/19 – Monday started off as a disgusting uneventful day.  The type of day that makes you want to crawl into your favorite worn-in hoodie and hide. Around 11, Jordan (Mr. Matinée) starts IMing me. I don’t even know how it comes around, but he asks if I want to hang out, we go back and forth about it for about an hour before I finally say yes, and then it’s 2am, we’re at a diner, it’s 3am and we’re watching The Godfather, we fall asleep in the middle so we start it over again in a few hours. That movie is INSANE. I had never seen it before, it’s every cliché about Italians ever! Ever! All in all…  great night with the amazing Jordan. :)

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I Almost Forgot…

Ten months of having a blog! It seems like so much longer though. This time last year, I was just coming back from a short vacay in CA, I had just gone to my very first water park in OH the week before, I was ALL over the place! I barely had time to write, but I had a million things to get off my mind. I should have started then haha. It’s funny how it seems like such a long time ago – meanwhile, high school seems like yesterday even though it’s been four years. Funny how that works.

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Dance Media- full bod & foot work- rave/club style 2004

This girl is amazing. The video is OLD, but I am still loving it! I would love to see her doing this in a dark club with glow gloves on – the ones with the lights on the fingertips, so you don’t have to use glowsticks. So amazing!

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Your life is waiting – just get in the car and drive

I’ve been slowly realizing something lately. No matter what happens, if you are not happy, that affects every part of your life. You aren’t happy, so you think your job sucks; you aren’t happy, so you gain weight; you aren’t happy, so your relationships fail. You have to make sure you are pleased with yourself before you get out of bed in the morning, or else your whole day/week/month will just turn to shit. No one else can do that for you. You can fool yourself into believing that other people made your day awful, but it’s just not true. Your reaction to other people has made your day awful. Roll with it. I’m not saying don’t react, at all. If you want to, scream, shout. But know you do not need to hold on to the drama and therefore bring yourself down.

I’m changing a lot right now. I’m back in the mindset I was about 2 years ago, before I started letting other people affect me. So far, I’ve lost some weight, started working out again, made some awesome new friends, started sketching and writing again… I found a few blank canvases and I’m dying to paint something. I’m getting my balls-to-the-wall attitude back, and it feels amazing to walk in my own shoes again. It helps that I dropped the drama-makers from my life. It helps that I want to be myself so badly I don’t care if running hurts, I’ll do just about anything to be myself again.
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